Hubby and I are heading to Arizona in 2 weeks for a golf trip and I bought some new bathing suits for the trip!

Even after my journey of healing my relationship with food and learning how to love and accept my body, it was still pretty antagonizing for my inner mean girl.
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I would be lying if I said it wasn’t a bit triggering trying each piece on because they made me a little more self-conscious about my body at first.⁣
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A bigger size, more body, and new territory that couldn’t be covered up by an oversized sweatshirt and high-waisted yoga pants were a bit terrifying as I stared at my no-longer-lean body in the mirror.
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But it was something I was weirdly proud of in a way. ⁣
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At first, the insecurity took over because weight gain is such a de-value of worth in our culture. If you gain weight, people see you as not taking care of yourself, losing your health, and “falling off the wagon.” ⁣
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But this weight gain was my personal story of triumph over eating disorders and obsessive health, and...

We were walking into a gorgeous new home on the market in our area. We had been thinking about moving into a new home and this place just seemed so magical! I was over a year into my Food Freedom journey when all of a sudden, BAM! My Body image freak out moment happened.

As we were walking outside and looking at the pool, my heart was lit up by the sight of this magical back yard. I could see us throwing parties, with the strung-up outdoor lights as the pool festivities were going strong and our friends and family came over to play in our new oasis. But then, something happened, and I suddenly spun into a vicious spiral of “Holy shit, I need to lose weight before I walk around this pool in front of people.” My jeans suddenly felt tighter and more restrictive as my fast and heavy breathing forced me to focus on my stomach overhanging my boa-constrictor-like jeans. I was suddenly repulsed by my own body.

The panic instantly overtook me, and my mind raced with going back to macros and m...