Bathing Suit Shopping in an uncomfortable body

Hubby and I are heading to Arizona in 2 weeks for a golf trip and I bought some new bathing suits for the trip!

Even after my journey of healing my relationship with food and learning how to love and accept my body, it was still pretty antagonizing for my inner mean girl.
⁣
I would be lying if I said it wasn’t a bit triggering trying each piece on because they made me a little more self-conscious about my body at first.⁣
⁣
A bigger size, more body, and new territory that couldn’t be covered up by an oversized sweatshirt and high-waisted yoga pants were a bit terrifying as I stared at my no-longer-lean body in the mirror.
⁣
But it was something I was weirdly proud of in a way. ⁣
⁣
At first, the insecurity took over because weight gain is such a de-value of worth in our culture. If you gain weight, people see you as not taking care of yourself, losing your health, and “falling off the wagon.” ⁣
⁣
But this weight gain was my personal story of triumph over eating disorders and obsessive health, and it was mine to own.⁣
⁣
My body is a miracle after all that I’ve put it through and I own this perfectly imperfect story. Cellulite, scars, tears, and all. 👊🏽 ⁣
⁣
And just because I wasn’t the intuitive eater that lost weight, doesn’t mean that I’ve failed. Instead, I became more aware of who I am and stepped into my authentic self. I’m no longer outcome-based, I’m journey/effort-based.⁣
⁣
Because with that weight gain, I also gained self-awareness in my new body. I’m not scared of hunger or food anymore, and I can trust myself around any food and eat it in amounts that feel good to me. ⁣
⁣
I no longer binge eat, under eat because of the number on the scale, or over-exercise because of what I ate the night before. Now, my eating and exercise are neutralized and sustainable for the life I want to live.⁣
⁣
Food freedom is a hard sell because it’s not sexy. But it’s real, genuine, and true. 💪🏽⁣ And it’s ok that I still have bad body image days. In fact, it makes me human. But I don’t wrestle with them anymore. Instead, I allow them to come and go and ride the waves of emotions that come with them. 🏄🏽‍♀️ Knowing that I’ll always come back to my home, my body, and my self-made BADASSERY. 💃🏻

Written with love, hope, and bikini strings by Christi Brown, PN1

Owner & Founder of Intuitively Strong

Need more help? Check out my resources for Intuitive Eating and Body Image Acceptance HERE!