What is Your End-Goal with Dieting?

When I was dieting, (yes that included macro/calorie counting, paleo, keto, low carb, whole30, meal plans, fixes, etc) my end goal was always, “ONCE I GET TO MY GOAL BODY, THEN I’LL START MAINTENANCE, then slowly wean off dieting with the best of habits attached". After all, they said once I stopped eating sugar, I would stop craving it, right?! I would keep up this restricted life and eat like a Saint with only a few cheats here and there because #willpower and live happily ever after with my perfect body and perfect balance while everyone praised me for it. I thought that once I achieved my perceived ideal body, THEN I would love it. But I had to lose more fat and gain more muscle before I could get to that Ideal Body and love it. (Why is there not an emoji for banging your head against a wall?)

All I wanted was to look like the fit person I claimed to be and eat what I wanted within reason. I was searching for balance but couldn't achieve it until I felt comfortable with my body, and I wouldn't feel comfortable with my body until it was near-perfect. Those Instagram models I fawned over, worked out and enjoyed their perfect lives in their perfect bodies while eating pizza (occasionally), so why couldn't I? But I couldn't be rewarded with balance until I got my perfect body. So I did ONE MORE cut, ONE MORE round of low carb, ONE MORE round of strict rules to try to get my body to its elite goal of perfect. I was chasing the unicorn of health and unknowingly depleting my mental and physical health while I chased that mystical and unrealistic creature to exhaustion and destruction.

Couple problems here:
1️⃣ My body was never good enough to achieve “goal body” status. Even when I was at my leanest, there was still more work to be done. It was never good enough so I was ALWAYS restricting and waiting until my body complied with my demanding wishes against its natural rhythm. My genetic blueprint is not lean, so my restriction caused my body to think it was in famine and fought against my macro counting and clean eating with intense cravings and idolization of certain foods.  Because I was in such restriction, my body was constantly in binge mode on the weekends. I could never achieve the perfect body because my DNA doesn’t allow me to look like I just stepped off stage from a Bodybuilding Competiton. So #willpower had nothing to do with my body trying to protect itself against famine. The more I restricted, the more my body fought back with cravings, binges and overeating. That’s #biology .

2️⃣ Because I was comparing myself to my friends, gym-goers and fellow Bodybuilders, it was common for body dysmorphia, disordered eating patterns and disrupted mental patterns around food and body image to become a normal way of life. Even the Fitspo's I followed online that seemed to have it all, balance and leanness, never showed their struggles, only their highlights. They never showed the mental issues, eating disorders and the guilt they felt after posting a picture of their dry chicken breast and broccoli. They never showed the excessive cardio they did after a night of bingeing and the fear they felt when the scale screamed the wrong number at them. They just showed their perfectly posed pictures with the jiggle and cellulite strategically hidden and I felt like I was always doing something wrong when I just couldn't compare to their perfectly filtered photos. What I didn't know was that they had validation issues from others just like me. They just never showed it. 

3️⃣ I had that near-perfect body for about 24 hours when I stepped on stage at my Bodybuilding Competition. And you know what? I wasn’t any happier. In fact, I was even more anxiety-ridden over what people thought about me because now, that became my identity. I was the fit girl, the strong friend, and the workout/nutrition guru. I couldn’t let people down and give up on the one thing that finally made me an asset in this world. I couldn’t let go of the only thing that made me feel WORTHY to have what little space I took up on this earth. "I couldn’t lose this body, no matter what!" Enter: eating disorders, low self-worth, and laxative abuse to round out the unhealthiest era of my life. So no, I wasn’t happy. I was terrified and anxious over every morsel I put in my mouth and my life was now run by keeping this irrelevant body shape at all costs. It was now my identity, so if I lost it, then it meant that I lost myself. Insecurities and the fear of others not liking me took over my world, and I let them.

My End-Goal was never-ending.
So what is your end goal with dieting? Correct me if I’m wrong, but the goal of every diet is to eventually eat Intuitively, right? The end goal of Whole30 is to start slowly adding back in processed foods, bread, “bad” foods, and alcohol only when necessary, right? The goal of Weight Watchers and macro/calorie counting is to show you that you can eat anything but you have to fit it into a certain numerical standard. Then once you get to your "goal weight" you will have finally learned how to "Eat Intuitively"? You've already tried every diet, haven't you? So take that as a sign that you know how to eat "healthy" but you just need to bring that trust back with your body.

If you noticed, there was one common thread in all of those diets mentioned above RESTRICTION. That restriction, no matter how small will help you moralize foods into "good" and "bad" and then have you jump on their shoulders so you can glorify said foods on their high, never-to-be-touched pedestals. The higher up on the pedestal, the more restriction you create, which always always ALWAYS leads to a binge. The more you are forbidden to have it, the more you want it. You may achieve that near-perfect body for a limited time, but then life kicks in with sickness, injuries, parties, vacations and "letting go" of some sort. So you go back to that diet with your black and white tail between your legs as she shakes her head with disapproval and you kiss her hand in forgiveness and bow down to your arbitrary Queen for forgiveness. 

I see your Queen and raise you a King. Skip the restriction and just go straight to the trust. Listen to your body. It knows what it’s doing! Your body can create life, grow itself, heal itself, fight off disease and straight-up keep you alive! Your body thrives best with your very own personal food rhythm. Diets take the trust and rhythm right out of your system. Intuitive Eating, Food Freedom, The Diet-less Approach, whatever you want to call it, is about finding your rhythm again. Do you know what that rhythm is?